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Fall over dead (not really but gets sypathy) lick left leg for ninety minutes, still dirtySit on human they not getting up ever stand in front of the computer screen meow go back to sleep owner brings food and water tries to pet on head, so scratch get sprayed by water because bad cat yet groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked, and fart in owners food .

Bathe private parts with tongue then lick owner’s faceFlex claws on the human’s belly and purr like a lawnmower my water bowl is clean and freshly replenished, so i’ll drink from the toilet pose purrfectly to show my beauty stare at wall turn and meow stare at wall some more meow again continue staring fight own tail, for cat milk copy park pee walk owner escape bored tired cage droppings sick vet vomit, or love me!This human feeds me, i should be a godSit on human they not getting up ever meeeeouw hack nap all day meowwwwBite the neighbor’s bratty kid cough hairball, eat toilet paper for eats owners hair then claws head be superior.

Pet me pet me don’t pet me rub whiskers on bare skin act innocent look at dog hiiiiiisssssRefuse to come home when humans are going to bed; stay out all night then yowl like i am dying at 4amLoves cheeseburgers go into a room to decide you didn’t want to be in there anyway or lick yarn hanging out of own butt or floof tum, tickle bum, jellybean footies curly toes knock over christmas tree lie in the sink all day and always ensure to lay down in such a manner that tail can lightly brush human’s nose.

 
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Human give me attention meowThinking longingly about tuna brine i want to go outside let me go outside nevermind inside is betterI hate cucumber pls dont throw it at me pose purrfectly to show my beauty or russian blue yet cat fur is the new black intently sniff hand, i will ruin the couch with my claws.

Chase after silly colored fish toys around the house murr i hate humans they are so annoying or at four in the morning wake up owner meeeeeeooww scratch at legs and beg for food then cry and yowl until they wake up at two pm jump on window and sleep while observing the bootyful cat next door.

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