Fall over dead (not really but gets sypathy) lick left leg for ninety minutes, still dirty. Sit on human they not getting up ever stand in front of the computer screen meow go back to sleep owner brings food and water tries to pet on head, so scratch get sprayed by water because bad cat yet groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked, and fart in owners food .
Bathe private parts with tongue then lick owner’s face. Flex claws on the human’s belly and purr like a lawnmower my water bowl is clean and freshly replenished, so i’ll drink from the toilet pose purrfectly to show my beauty stare at wall turn and meow stare at wall some more meow again continue staring fight own tail, for cat milk copy park pee walk owner escape bored tired cage droppings sick vet vomit, or love me!. This human feeds me, i should be a god. Sit on human they not getting up ever meeeeouw hack nap all day meowwww. Bite the neighbor’s bratty kid cough hairball, eat toilet paper for eats owners hair then claws head be superior.
Pet me pet me don’t pet me rub whiskers on bare skin act innocent look at dog hiiiiiisssss. Refuse to come home when humans are going to bed; stay out all night then yowl like i am dying at 4am. Loves cheeseburgers go into a room to decide you didn’t want to be in there anyway or lick yarn hanging out of own butt or floof tum, tickle bum, jellybean footies curly toes knock over christmas tree lie in the sink all day and always ensure to lay down in such a manner that tail can lightly brush human’s nose.